falling in love?

I have not been falling in love for quite some time.. During this period I feel great on that.. However recently I think I am about to fall in love.. I really scared to get hurt before a relationship starts.. Perhaps in this sense I really look like a girl.. But if having a girlfriend then will be a different case.. Because can share with her everything and do not need to keep on hiding the feeling.. ish.. I have no idea what I am saying.. Of course i wish to have a gf.. but at the same time I scared to be rejected as well.. Do we really need to go through no pain no gain?

Not buying mac book pro

I am currently taking media innovation and I am learning those CS4 softwares. That leads to problems occurring to my old laptop. I bought my laptop 3 years back and it did not have graphic card at all and the ram is not really sufficient enough to generate to software. Everytime it prompts out an error please close this software bla.. bla.. bla.. and the whole pc went lag.. As a result I would need to change a new one.. even the campus's computer is better than me.. I told my mum that I will need to change laptop.. The price would be slightly expensive coz i would like to buy a long run one.. I wanted to buy the mac book pro.. at frist i choose the second pack.. And my mum said ok.. just need to save some money.. then i feel guilty and I told my mum never I will go for the first Pack which is rm1k cheaper.. At first I thought I can buy it by installment. who knows the sales person said they will only accept instalment for hsbc credit card holder.. Actually my parent said may be able to come down pj to buy one for me.. who know my younger brother involve in an event and everything ruined up.. I was very disappointing.. Thus, I choose to go outting with society.. I told my mum that just let him be.. Previously my brother promised not to join, yet he still join.. I wanted to go out a relaxing place therefore I told my mum no need to come.. Besides, I told her I am not going to buy mac book pro these recent days.. I am going to campus to use the software.. Disappointing but I think that is the way it should be.. First of all, I shouldn't give them such a burden to buy that.. I am not qualified to as well.. I should save up my money and buy myself.. Hopefully after this, I won't have much shopping to go.. coz once go shopping i will spend at least rm50.. I guess my aim will be reaching soon.. More Part time jobs awaiting me.. Be strong Vincent.. Be independent Vincent.. Don't always depend on parent..

Finally ended up with tears.. wuwu

All these while I have been very very busy. I thought I have turned myself into a "man" instead of the past "fragile" man. It was raining and I was working next to tropicana city mall. The air-cond was very cold when my boss spoke to me, I replied him with my mouth shaking. I was not dare to ask him turning the air-cond down, because he was very angry for I couldn't solve the problem. Yet later on, I got another alternative way. He told me that he was not angry with me he was just got frustrated with the problems that he has been facing. Finally everything was being set up and I felt as though very stress. Later on, he got into a better mood. I was very scared that I couldn't solve the problem. After that, he brought me to ss2 to eat yong tau fu. There I saw Prince Cafe. It let me flash back the memory of first time meeting nicole kiew at midvalley. After dinner, they fetched me to the bus stop which is at Kelana Jaya. They are actually very kind. After an hour of shivering at the bus stop, the bus finally came. When I got into the bus, I suddenly recall that my mum called me before I went to work. She asked me whether or not I have enought of money. Then I told her not to worried I have enough to use. The next question that she asked was "will you feel suffered continue studying?" Then I replied ofcourse no. I like my course just that my laptop is outdated and perhaps should change. Guess what? she told me not to worried she will discuss with my dad. I was very touched. Honestly, I really feel guilty of taking money from them. She told me that she is very worried of me coz she scared I am not eating for I have reduced my weight for nearly 10kg. In the bus I kept on recalling what she had told me. And the scene of my dad appearing to me as well. There was once I really don't understand why my dad did this and that. But today I suddenly thought of last year's mooncake celebration day. I like mooncake a lot. every year i will be heaty during that season coz eat too much of mooncakes. However on last year, I was nearly not able to taste even a mooncake. At the last minute which was before my friend picked me up, my dad ran to the next door to buy few mooncakes for me. Though i told him not to do so because i was in a rush and didn't want to trouble anyone who knows he didn't care what i said just ran and got one for me. For all these while I have been doing things without my friends knowing and none of them asking or caring me. All these moments just my relatives and my family caring me. I have been suffering all these while for stress. who knows about it? my shoulder are very very heavy right now? unlike in the past i will show my stress, but now i will rather hide it till today, i cried. Recently I really don't have time to think of having a girlfriend. Unlike in the past, I was really eager to get one hopefully she can care and support me and in return i will care her more. Yet everything goes in the wrong direction which caused me getting hurt into deeper and deeper. Perhaps that makes me lacking of confident in order to get a new girlfriend. I would rather wait till her really comes. I really don't want to be affected during this time. I am clear that once i am being hurt everything will start from negative again. If YOU really love me, then keep loving me don't paused and play. It is really hurting. After few tears dropped in the bus, I told myself I will continue fighting for the stress and busy life-style though alone or with my friends. People always say cry is not the solution. That is right. But I am not solving my problem when i was crying. I was just got touched that I could get through the though route by myself and sometimes with my family. Hopefully in future my friends will be added in.

life changes..

arr...
recently I am happy with myself, just able to be what I am. Unlike previously keep on pointing to myself. I am getting more and more brave recently. I brave to point out my opinion. However there is a but. but I feel that it's wrong to waste people's time. I really find that time is important. That makes me of changing my life. Besides, I found myself to be hardly trusting girls. I mean in terms of love. I really do feel that, love is a scary one. haha.. perhaps I haven't found my true love. Whenever i started to love a girl i will tell myself that not to step too much on her else i will repeat the history and keep on reminding myself not to fall in love. I hope till one day I will change my perspective. Today's work was very worth. Why would i say so? the reason is due to I have bought a lot a lot of things. At the beginning, I found a note of rm10 on the floor. How luckily i was. Later on, I went for a body check up. The advisor said everything to me is healthy and nothing goes wrong. Guess what? My weight has dropped for about 10kg since feburary. haha. so much first time drop so much. hehe. After lunch break, I was very free, then I went to find out the price for 1.5 l 7-up who knows it was really cheap it was rm1.20 only cheaper than 500ml which was rm1.5 haha.. then everyone was crazy for it. after that there is a promoter telling us that the buscuit was cheap as well the normal price was rm12 and the newest price was rm4 only.. so i bought 2 7-up and 6 buscuit and one dutch lady full cream milk. luck coming yeah.. haha i wonder when will my luck of love come?

update for updating

I have been so lazy for updating my blog. Life was great here. Recently I found myself to be more confident than before. Unfortunately, I found my life to be more and more hectic. more and more last min call for help and I will need to choose where to go due to too many opts. Any how my life in my campus is great. I didn't know a lot of friends but i know 1 or 2 good friends =). There were few friends came to me. They asked me for opinion, yet they don't listen to me. I am really tired. In order to solve a problem is try to think the most efficient way and the fastest way. Why do they need to turn one round wasting his or her time and might be wasting others time. It's so unfair right? Recently I got interested in creating webpages. But I have no idea on what content I should put. Designing part could be many. Well, I wish I could be paid for creating webapage =). I have thought of putting in me and my ex-girlfriend's experience. but does it sound interesting? or I shouldn't put on that? Is there any suggestion? Please comment.