Tuesday, July 07, 2009

Finally ended up with tears.. wuwu

All these while I have been very very busy. I thought I have turned myself into a "man" instead of the past "fragile" man. It was raining and I was working next to tropicana city mall. The air-cond was very cold when my boss spoke to me, I replied him with my mouth shaking. I was not dare to ask him turning the air-cond down, because he was very angry for I couldn't solve the problem. Yet later on, I got another alternative way. He told me that he was not angry with me he was just got frustrated with the problems that he has been facing. Finally everything was being set up and I felt as though very stress. Later on, he got into a better mood. I was very scared that I couldn't solve the problem. After that, he brought me to ss2 to eat yong tau fu. There I saw Prince Cafe. It let me flash back the memory of first time meeting nicole kiew at midvalley. After dinner, they fetched me to the bus stop which is at Kelana Jaya. They are actually very kind. After an hour of shivering at the bus stop, the bus finally came. When I got into the bus, I suddenly recall that my mum called me before I went to work. She asked me whether or not I have enought of money. Then I told her not to worried I have enough to use. The next question that she asked was "will you feel suffered continue studying?" Then I replied ofcourse no. I like my course just that my laptop is outdated and perhaps should change. Guess what? she told me not to worried she will discuss with my dad. I was very touched. Honestly, I really feel guilty of taking money from them. She told me that she is very worried of me coz she scared I am not eating for I have reduced my weight for nearly 10kg. In the bus I kept on recalling what she had told me. And the scene of my dad appearing to me as well. There was once I really don't understand why my dad did this and that. But today I suddenly thought of last year's mooncake celebration day. I like mooncake a lot. every year i will be heaty during that season coz eat too much of mooncakes. However on last year, I was nearly not able to taste even a mooncake. At the last minute which was before my friend picked me up, my dad ran to the next door to buy few mooncakes for me. Though i told him not to do so because i was in a rush and didn't want to trouble anyone who knows he didn't care what i said just ran and got one for me. For all these while I have been doing things without my friends knowing and none of them asking or caring me. All these moments just my relatives and my family caring me. I have been suffering all these while for stress. who knows about it? my shoulder are very very heavy right now? unlike in the past i will show my stress, but now i will rather hide it till today, i cried. Recently I really don't have time to think of having a girlfriend. Unlike in the past, I was really eager to get one hopefully she can care and support me and in return i will care her more. Yet everything goes in the wrong direction which caused me getting hurt into deeper and deeper. Perhaps that makes me lacking of confident in order to get a new girlfriend. I would rather wait till her really comes. I really don't want to be affected during this time. I am clear that once i am being hurt everything will start from negative again. If YOU really love me, then keep loving me don't paused and play. It is really hurting. After few tears dropped in the bus, I told myself I will continue fighting for the stress and busy life-style though alone or with my friends. People always say cry is not the solution. That is right. But I am not solving my problem when i was crying. I was just got touched that I could get through the though route by myself and sometimes with my family. Hopefully in future my friends will be added in.

4 comments:

Sharon said...

just be who u are right now!
U still hav fren like me.

Ying Yan said...

thanks a lot.. Perhaps my shoulder was too heavy.. need to get rid of some.. =)

Sharon said...

Act tears got its function...
can balance ur emotion...
haha

Ying Yan said...

i won't cry during solving problem.. because i have no time.. i will only cry after everything is done.